The Monday Rethink: 3 myths about trust that may be holding you back
On how we may misunderstand what really earns people's trust - and what to do about it.
A paradoxical thing happens when I work with teams on the topic of trust. On the one hand, I share research showing that most teams perform at a mediocre level. And that a lack of trust is considered to be teams’ primary dysfunction.
But then the team members look at each other and declare in unison: “That’s not our issue. We trust each other!”
And when I ask team members how trustworthy they think they are on an individual level, you guessed it: most people rate themselves as highly trustworthy.
It’s an interesting thing, isn’t it? We all rationally understand that trust is foundational for all the work we do together. But few of us are prepared to question and confront ‘trust issues’ that concern us. I remember being surprised when a new work partner told me she found it hard to trust me, despite my competence: “You are difficult to read, so I can’t tell what your intentions are,” she said. I never forgot that.
So here’s a spoiler alert:
How trustworthy we think we are may not match how trustworthy others find us.
There are the three myths that I’m proposing we need to break when it comes to trust:
Myth #1: Your ability alone makes you trustworthy.
Competence is crucial, no doubt. I often advise leaders to credentialise themselves when meeting new people. But if you stop there, you won’t get very far.
As a matter of fact, ability has the lowest weighting in earning trust.
Think about it: someone may persuade you they’re good at managing your investments because they worked for Blackrock. But if it later turns out that they’re also a cheat, how likely are you to trust them?
Ability is amplified when it’s backed by integrity: delivering on promises, being honest &fair, and transparently sharing information.
Myth #2: Trying hard to prove your ability and integrity will earn people’s trust.
OK, so we’ve established that ability and integrity are key ingredients of trust. At this point, you might think all you have to do is work harder to demonstrate them, right? Wrong.
I often like to play a ‘trust game’ with teams (I won’t reveal too much lest that spoils the surprise). We start off by intentionally creating a climate of high uncertainty. And as they keep playing the game, here comes the shocker: the more team members try to convince others that they have sound judgement and high integrity, the more suspicious the others get. What’s going on?!
Neuroscience reveals that when assessing trustworthiness, the thing we most we focus on (consciously or unconsciously) is the other person’s intentions.
No wonder I was puzzled when that partner said she wasn’t able to trust me. All the while I had showed ability and integrity; and yet what she had been looking for was clarity on my intentions.
Myth #3: We cooperate, so that must mean we trust each other .
The reason why teams often think they have high levels of trust — when in fact they don’t — is because they mix that up with cooperation.
In reality, we can cooperate for a host of reasons: because our incentives are aligned, or because we have no other choice. That doesn’t equate to trust.
The litmus test for whether your team really has trust is when your interests diverge.
It’s when someone sacrifices something that’s good for them because they have your interest at heart that you know you can really trust them. I once made it through to the customer support of my phone carrier, having accumulated a load of frustration around their competence and transparency. But when they ended up giving me advice that saved me money at their expense, that prevailed over the other factors: I felt I could trust them.
The lesson I learned from that experience is:
The most powerful way to earn trust is to show you care - even when it costs you.
That kind of ‘thick trust’, by the way, is what will also help team members dare to challenge each other openly and productively. They can do that because they have the ‘padding’ of trust: they fundamentally know they care about each other and believe in their shared purpose.
Below is a Trust framework by Shane Snow, author of “Dream Teams”. I use it to help leaders visualise the elements of trust - and learn how to repair trust when it breaks down.
Notice how, in the absence of benevolence (a clunky term used for ‘good intentions’), the other factors of trust crumble.
A useful check-in I suggest is this:
How do I signal to people that they actually matter to me?
How clear and transparent have I been about my real intentions?
How willing am I to potentially sacrifice some of my own interests in service of the team’s goals?
How willing am I to own the impact I make on people and situations?
Stay fierce & curious!
Alina